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[03 Nov 2009|07:41pm] |
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Fandom hiatus! Back soon.
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| Writer's Block: Relive in the moment |
[02 Nov 2009|09:21am] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
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I thought a bit in regards to my possible answer to this question and it appears that I've changed a lot as far as my feelings about things like "regret". I honestly can't think of any emotion that is a bigger waste of time, to be quite honest. I think that at this point, I can pretty much say I don't regret one single, solitary decision I've ever made or anything that I've done in my life. After all, if I had done differently, I wouldn't be the person I am today and that would be a real shame.
I could say I regret ever getting married to my ex, but if I hadn't, there are a lot of things I wouldn't know about what I want and need in a relationship... especially a long-term relationship. I also might not have worked so adamantly to achieve my goals. I am probably one of the most stubborn and argumentative people on the planet, so nothing lights a fire under my ass when it comes to goals quite like someone telling me I can't achieve them. My ex-husband was very good at that.
I could say I regret spending so many years working jobs that I hated and knew were beneath me, but without those jobs as part of my rich past, I wouldn't have developed my people skills to the level I have and I wouldn't have picked up some of the unusual, but highly useful knowledge that helps make me such a successful writer today.
I could go on, but I don't really feel like posting one of those overly lengthy journal entries. You probably get the picture though. No matter how sucktastic any one experience in my life may have been, I inevitably learned too much from it (about myself, life, people, spirit) to ever be able to say I regret it. Could I have chosen more efficient ways to learn those lessons? I'm sure, but I trust that everything happens for a reason and that everything works out exactly the way it's supposed to.
As far as wanting to actually, literally relive anything from my past for any reason though? Eh... let's just say that I know some people who would literally jump in a time machine and live completely in the past if they could and I see how harmful and unproductive that way of thinking is for them even if they don't. I don't think that even wishing to relive certain moments on a one-time basis is healthy. Really, that's what memories are for. I treasure a lot of mine, but I'd rather work on having new experiences than reliving old ones.
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| omg FOR REAL |
[31 Oct 2009|08:24pm] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dogeared just linked me to new photos of the Flan hosted over at [GateFail central] (change xx to tt) - and we spent the next ten minutes alternately keyboard mashing and laughing at how many of Joe's expressions seemed to suggest he found the interview really, really stupid. Hahahahahahaha.
( huge version behind the cut )
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| Andrea Gibson |
[27 Oct 2009|08:36am] |
On Friday evening setissma saw poet Andrea Gibson perform, and linked me next morning to a couple of poems she thought I'd find particularly moving. She was right- they're wonderful; no-holds-barred, powerful rushes of words that express what's so often hard to parse.
[This poem] is particularly on my mind today. Gibson speaks for me in this beautiful thing, and oh, this poem is just . . . yes.
Please be warned that the subject of the poem is sexual assault, and it may be triggery for survivors.
. . . she's heard stories of vietnam vets
who can still feel the tingling of their amputated limbs
she's wondering how many women are walking around this world
feeling the tingling of their amputated wings
remembering what it was to fly to sing . . .
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| TEAM PICSPAM! |
[26 Oct 2009|08:05pm] |
You know, it's a long time since I hosted a festival of picspam, and I think we could use the boost. GO GO GADGET FANDOM: team picspam, your favorite photos of John, Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon, singularly or together, in any and all combinations \o/
( I'll get us started )
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| Follow-up (part . . . three?) |
[26 Oct 2009|07:33pm] |
The mods have made their decision about [how the McShep Awards will proceed], and two categories will be recoded / revoted on. Other categories will stand as is, in large part because the awards are in their last stages, and there is no good way to revamp or revote that will not require an enormous investment of time by those volunteers (and the mods) who have already given numerous hours to the venture. That reasoning seems entirely fair.
I reiterate [my post from yesterday]: I have made the personal decision not to make competition part of my fandom experience, but that reflects no judgment on choices made by others, or the worthiness of these awards. Please, use your vote (if you wish to vote!) to honor those authors and artists who enjoy this facet of our collective fandom life.
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| Writer's Block: Forgive and forget? |
[26 Oct 2009|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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I pretty much invented the fine art of holding a grudge. I'm a firm believer in not ever intentionally mistreating people or betraying people's trust, so if someone pulls anything like that with me, it's extremely hard for me to ever forgive it and stop being angry about it. Even if I do eventually find it in my heart to forgive, I never, ever forget. Part of me will always see whatever happened as a smudge on that person's character or their relationship with me.
As far as the longest I've ever stayed angry with someone? Let's just say that if the length of time I can hold a grudge has a limit, I haven't figured out what it is yet. I've got some fatties that I've been hanging onto for a good 20 years and counting. They're over the type of thing that is most definitely justified, but they're there just the same.
It's actually very hard to win back my trust once it's been broken, but it is possible. Assuming they didn't do something that would automatically make me cut them completely out of my life on principle, the person has to apologize and actually be sorry. Then they have to go about slowly earning my trust back over a long period by proving that they've changed their ways. Over enough time, we might be close again. Might... but probably not. It's unlikely that I'd ever be best friends with this person again or anything. I certainly wouldn't ever trust them to the degree that I once did.
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| Belly laugh of the day \o/ |
[26 Oct 2009|10:40am] |
From this New York Times story [on a San Francisco court case] that seeks constitutional protection of same-sex unions. The Mr. Cooper in the story below was in court arguing that the case should be dismissed.
The government should be allowed to favor opposite-sex marriages, Mr. Cooper said, in order “to channel naturally procreative sexual activity between men and women into stable, enduring unions.”
Judge Walker appeared puzzled. “The last marriage that I performed,” the judge said, “involved a groom who was 95 and the bride was 83. I did not demand that they prove that they intended to engage in procreative activity. Now, was I missing something?”
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| A follow up |
[25 Oct 2009|05:06pm] |
I've been in discussion with the mods of the [McShep Awards] this afternoon, and their records suggest that I accepted various story nominations on December 12, 2008. I have no recollection of doing so (actually, I found my [original entry about declining]) but in the interests of fairness, I wanted to add this as an addendum [to my original post] on the matter. I understand the mods have decided to freeze voting and make some LJ-based adjustments to those categories they believe have been most affected by the inclusion of stories authors did not want included.
My presumption all along has been a website glitch - nothing more or less. If I am at fault for misremembering my own actions, that's also a simple mistake. Nothing I have said here, in my previous post, or anywhere else has been informed by any sort of belief that the mods are doing something wrong - quite to the contrary, they're running an awards process as an expression of their own fannish connection and appreciation, no less a labor of fannish glee than stories or art or comments or the simple reading of stories is for anyone else. The awards are one form of fannish participation - that it's not a form of participation that appeals to me communicates no judgment of anyone else's preferences and joys.
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| Writer's Block: Yes, offense taken |
[25 Oct 2009|01:12pm] |
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mood |
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It depends on the comment and what the circumstances are. Was this a serious comment that was clearly the result of an actual belief? If so, then I'll probably at least respond with a snide comment back that lets them know I feel about what they said. However, I'm not one of those people that is really strict when it comes to fitting today's definition of PC either. These days, it seems like virtually anything that refers to race or sexual orientation in any way is considered offensive or rude and that's just kind of ridiculous to me. I'm not about to call anyone out on something like that.
The second part of the question kind of puts me in mind of the unique circumstances I tend to find myself in when it comes to witnessing truly racist behavior and I can kind of see myself launching into a topic I've been meaning to discuss in here for a while now, so prepare for a little verbosity. For those of you that don't know -- and for all I know, that could be most of you -- I'm mixed race. My mom is Irish/Scottish and my dad is black/Native American. Apparently I look racially ambiguous enough that more often than not, people have no idea what to consider me when it comes to race. Here's a picture for reference's sake. It's quicker than trying to explain what I'm talking about with that.
I really don't think about my racial background... like... ever, nor do I really consider it this huge part of who I am or how I should present myself to others. When I look in the mirror, I see someone who looks mixed race, so I simply assume other people can see it, too. It surprises me when some people say they don't or didn't know. Even my ex-husband apparently thought I was Italian or possibly half Spanish until he actually was introduced to my father. I typically assume that if someone is curious about what my background is, they will ask. I've always been very up front and open about being mixed when it comes up, as well as when it comes to what I'm mixed with. If they don't ask? I assume they either already know or don't care.
However, what really surprises and disappoints me is the fact that when some people "find out" I'm mixed after a long period of not knowing -- especially that I'm part black -- they act like I was keeping this huge bombshell of a secret from them that I should have disclosed. Um... no. No secret. I just feel that since people of other backgrounds don't have to announce their ethnicity as a heads-up courtesy to everyone else, I shouldn't have to either. I don't think of myself as a race or a color. I never have and I never will. If anyone else has a problem with my background, that's their issue and they know where they can shove it, but yes. If I run into an issue with anyone of white descent, and to be honest it's rare, that's usually the type of issue it is.
Equally disturbing -- and far more confusing, to be totally honest -- is the type of issue I sometimes run into among other people of black descent. Some have a problem with the fact that I self-identify as "mixed" or "multi-racial" instead of "black". Why that's a problem, I don't know. It is what I am. Sure, I'm proud of the black part of my heritage, but am I supposed to just forget about the other ethnicities that are also a part of me? I'm proud of those, too. Sometimes for the sake of specific argument or discussion I'll refer to myself as "black", "Native American", "Irish", et cetera, but when I have to list my race on a form or something, it's always "mixed" or "multi-racial".
I've also been on the receiving end of some pretty snide comments about my appearance which really piss me off -- specifically in regards to my hair and my skin. No, I do not have fake hair. I'm sorry if you really believe that "people mixed with black" aren't ever born with hair that is fine or grows long. Mine is and does. If it makes you feel better, I do need to style it extensively to make sure it doesn't frizz or poof out too much and I'm not a natural redhead either. No, I don't dye my hair red to try to look whiter. I dye my hair for the same reason anyone else of any other ethnicity dyes their hair. I like to. It's fun. It's different. That's all.
As for my skin? No, I do not bleach it. That's the color it's been since I was born 33 years ago -- sort of a light/medium olive tone. I also really tend to photograph even paler for some reason, which doesn't help either. And while I'm at it? No, I have not had a nose job or any other plastic surgery to look "whiter". I honestly find the fact that certain people really think I would do something like that to be highly offensive. This is how I was born looking -- same as most people. It's just that simple.
Then there's my behavior and lifestyle, which apparently hasn't been ethnic enough to suit some people I've known in the past either. Yes, I like classical music, alternative rock, and opera. No, I do not like rap or hip-hop. I must have missed the memo that says my ethnic background should dictate my tastes in music, too. Yes, my fiancé is white and so was my ex-husband. No, I did not pick them as partners because of their skin color. I picked them because of common interests, temperaments, and the chemistry we had as people without their ethnic background factoring into it at all -- imagine that.
If you want more proof, feel free to ask my fiancé about that. We met online and were "dating" before I was even aware of what he looked like, let alone his ethnic make-up. He could have been a green Martian for all I knew and it wouldn't have mattered to me if he were. Race has never been something I've even so much as considered when it comes to who I date or who I make friends with and it shows. Look at my collective social circle and you will find it's full of people of all races, nationalities, sexual orientations, and religions. I'm sure I could keep going, but you probably get the picture.
To be really honest, I rarely have to deal with people that pull this shit with me. I can probably count on my fingers with a finger or two to spare the number of times in my life I feel I've truly been discriminated against because of my racial background. Most people don't care or they actually think it's cool. However, when people do decide they're going to act foolish to this particular extent with me, I will call them out on it and correct their "perceptions" of how they feel someone like myself should look, act, or behave. Same thing if they're talking about someone else... especially someone I care about.
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| McShep Awards |
[25 Oct 2009|11:10am] |
There seems to be a bit of a glitch going on with the [McShep Awards] site - I seem to recall hearing somewhere along the grapevine that there were problems with the site earlier in the year? So this is likely an unintended side effect of fixing things up - in that I have stories in contention whose nominations I didn't accept. (At least one other person I know of discovered she's in the same situation, which is why I suspect a glitch.)
I have asked that my stories be withdrawn from voting. If you're someone who already voted, I apologize for the mix-up! I appreciate everyone who reads anything I write; I appreciate every comment; I appreciate the very idea of people out there reading who may not feel moved to put anything down in words; I appreciate this big, glorious give-and-take that's fandom; I appreciate all the artists and authors whose work brightens my day, makes me think, and amazes me with the depth of its creativity and love. I made the decision some time ago that I would participate in that big, delightful landscape of fandom without participating in competition - an entirely personal decision that reflects no larger judgment of anyone or anything else (which would be, I think, antithetical to the best parts of what we do here.) So thank you, everyone, who considered voting for me, or did - I hope you understand why I treasure your enjoyment of my stories, but still feel it's the right thing for me to do to withdraw my fic from award consideration.
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